No Strings Page 6

  “Nothing really.”

  “What is it... like?”

  “Nothing?” Talia said, narrowing her eyes a bit.

  “No,” I lied easily. “He was just there for me when I was upset.”

  “It hurts the first time... But after the pain there’s good stuff, too.”

  “Well, that was nice of him,” Callum said as if he clearly didn’t think it was nice at all.

  I rolled my eyes despite the flip I felt in my stomach at the memories. And the anticipation.

  “I’m not saying it would be entirely selfless.”

  “Yeah, it was,” I said, the tone of my voice making it clear that I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I took a huge gulp of wine and welcomed the burn, hoping that it would relax me for what was going to happen in—I checked my watch again—less than four hours.

  “Cat?”

  I looked up from my wine glass and all three of them were staring at me. When I looked at Callum, I was momentarily shocked by the vulnerability I saw in his eyes.

  “You know you can talk to us,” Callum said quietly. “About what happened Saturday night?”

  “I’ll see you tonight. I can’t wait.”

  “Yeah, Callum, I know,” I said. Then I looked at Talia and Carver. “You guys, I know. But really I’m fine.”

  I just couldn’t wait for tonight.

  ◆◆◆

  It almost felt like walking toward an execution.

  But I didn’t imagine that the dread of walking toward an execution was ever accompanied by that insistent pressure between your thighs—the knowing and sweet tingling of what was to come.

  I was sitting in the back of an Uber, making the short trip from campus to Brody’s apartment, and each stop light closer to his apartment filled me with more dread and more blood-warming anticipation—both at war with the other—than I ever thought possible. It was like Boylston Street was the metaphorical tunnel and the light at the end of it was Brody, and once I stepped into the light my life was going to change forever.

  I told myself I was being dramatic, that the circumstances of losing my virginity weren’t such a big deal, just as Brody had told me that night, but I couldn’t help but hear the sound of a death march playing over the sound of Justin Bieber on the radio as the Uber driver turned the corner onto Brody’s street.

  This was crazy.

  What I was planning to do was absolutely insane. Right? I must have left my brain back in the soccer house because everything I had done since that night was only further evidence that I was completely out of my mind. I hadn’t even had much time to think about it. It hadn’t even been 48 full hours since that conversation we’d had by the reservoir, and so absent from all of this was my ability to think everything to death. I hadn’t once stopped to consider the ramifications of what this would mean.

  “We’re here, ma’am,” the driver said in a thick accent that I couldn’t place.

  “Thanks.”

  “Nice place,” the driver said.

  I just nodded. “Yeah. Have a good night.”

  “You, too.”

  I stepped out of the car and stared up at the beautiful brick building from the sidewalk as my Uber driver drove away.

  Oh God.

  This was something I couldn’t take back. Once it was gone, it was gone forever, and maybe in a few months or a few years I would meet a guy who would sweep me off my feet and he would be perfect and kind and generous and hot and he wouldn’t care that I was a virgin and he would be in love with me and we would have this perfect, romantic first time and after he would tell me he loved me and I would feel so beautiful and special and I would be so happy that I waited for this—that perfect moment.

  But really, really, what were the actual odds of that happening? What were the odds that I would meet the perfect guy before I lost my mind for wanting my virginity gone, before I got desperate and lost it to some stranger who was rough and didn’t care about me and would hurt me physically and emotionally? Why wait when I had someone I trusted right here?

  “I’m here to see Brody Galen,” I said to the doorman at the front desk when I got inside.

  The man smiled up at me, his dark skin making his teeth look extremely white. “Ah, Miss Murphy,” he said. “Mr. Galen told me to expect you. Take the elevator right up. Fifth floor.”

  Jesus. Should I be embarrassed? Did he know that I was going up there for?

  I thanked him and shook my head as I walked away. Get it together, Murphy. Obviously Brody wasn’t in the habit of telling his doormen about who he was planning on sleeping with. I knew he wouldn’t do something like that. Because I trusted him.

  Trust.

  Why the hell did I trust Brody? I hardly know him! Up until the other night we’d hardly ever had a real conversation, and yet all the sudden after one talk when I was sad and vulnerable and anxious sitting by the reservoir, I trusted Brody Galen, lothario of Klein University, heartbreaker, the guy who said point blank that I would never be anything other than a lay.

  Okay, maybe not in those words. But still.

  And as I was riding up the elevator, imagining what it would be like with him, how he would be, how I would be, I made up my mind.

  So when I knocked and heard him shout “come in,” I didn’t even take in beauty of the interior design around me, because my gaze zeroed in on Brody and I stood in front of the door, frozen, as I pushed it shut behind me.

  “I can’t do this.”

  Chapter SIX

  Brody stood up from couch and took a few steps toward me.

  Unconsciously, I took a step back.

  “What?”

  “I can’t do this,” I repeated.

  I took a moment to glance at my surroundings for just a second. I took in nothing but a black leather sofa and a few gorgeous black and white prints on the walls before walking straight in the direction of his kitchen. I looked at the stainless steel appliances before opening the dark wooden cabinets looking for a wine glass. There were spotlights hanging above the kitchen island with a marble countertop.

  “This place is insane,” I murmured to myself until I finally found a wine glass as Brody was walking into the kitchen, a small, wary smile on his face.

  “Do you have wine?”

  “White or red?”

  I sighed. “Definitely red.”

  He leaned down and opened a cabinet and pulled out a sliding wine shelf with several bottles of red wine.

  “Take your pick.”

  It took me a few seconds to find a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, and as I was pouring it I looked up at him leaning against the counter on the other side of the island. I took two gulps of wine, trying to ignore how hot he looked in gray sweatpants and a black V-neck shirt.

  “It’s crazy,” I said, frowning and shaking my head. “I can’t sleep with you. I hardly know you! And...” I ran a hand through my hair. “What if it hurts and what if it’s weird afterwards? I mean you’re Gabe’s best friend. I can’t make things awkward, we can’t mess with that. And what if I meet someone in a few months that can give me a great first time, someone who isn’t basically a stranger?” I said, voice climbing, gesturing wildly toward him as I continued to sip wine intermittently, trying to convey all the thoughts that had been swimming in my mind for the days. “What if we both wake up in a week and realize this was the dumbest thing we’ve ever done and what if we regret it and what if...” I trailed off a bit and took a big drink of wine before setting the glass on the counter and finally looking up and meeting his eyes. My blue eyes were wide on his gray ones, and my voice was low when I said what I had been worried about ever since I got into my Uber. “What if I want to take it back?”

  The question hung in the air, heavy and loud, and I almost wished I hadn’t said it. Wished it could go right back in my brain where such thoughts belonged. I didn’t have time to wish that because a moment later, Brody was walking around the island and closing the gap between us, striding toward me and putting
his hands on my biceps.

  “We don’t have to do this, Catrina,” he said quietly.

  I looked up into his eyes, the sincerity there real and genuine and tangible, and I let out an exhale, his presence calming me right here just as it had by the reservoir.

  “I don’t think I can,” I said, my voice near a whisper.

  He gave me a small smile. “That’s okay,” he said with a shrug. “This was something you wanted. That’s why I agreed to it. But if you don’t want it, that’s up to you, too.”

  The lift of the corner of his mouth, that simple, sweet smile made my stomach flip, and my heart nearly skipped a beat.

  He really was incredibly gorgeous. I took in his features—his strong jaw, his pointed nose, the sharp angles of his face, his bright gray eyes, his light blonde hair that was longer on top and cropped close to his head on the sides and back—almost like I was never going to get the chance to look at him like this again, not this close. The words were out of my mouth before I even realized I was thinking them.

  “I do,” I said quietly, gazing up into his eyes, his hands still on my arms, warm and firm and comforting, “want it,” I finished. With you, I almost said, but then quickly pushed it aside. A small crease formed between his eyebrows and I looked down at his chest. “I’m scared though.”

  My stomach was churning with nerves, waiting for what he was going to say, almost holding my breath, when I felt his hand underneath my chin, using two fingers to push my head up gently so that I would look at him. It was his turn to take in the features of my face, and he did so with a look in his eyes so soft and tender that I could almost imagine that all of this was under different circumstances. That he was the guy who had swept me off my feet, that he was the one who didn’t care that I was a virgin and who was going to give me the perfect first time.

  Brody smoothed his hands up my arms until they were gently cupping my neck, his thumbs making small circles on my skin. I felt a flush that started in my heart and slowly radiated up and down my body, making my skin hot and tingly.

  He was leaning closer, our faces so close that we were breathing each other’s air, and in that moment I felt time freeze. Everything around us and outside of this moment slammed to a stop so that the only thing that existed was the two of us, right here, right now, looking into each other’s eyes like there was nowhere else we would rather be than right where we were. I had never experienced a moment like this. I had made out with a few other guys, but that was about the extent of my sexual experience, and those moments were nothing compared to the intensity of the one I was now in.

  He leaned in so his mouth was so close to mine that I could smell the mint he had apparently consumed before I got here. I tilted my head back, ready and extremely willing for what I knew was about to come, my aversion temporarily forgotten. He was leaning a bit closer and my breathing became a bit heavier with the anticipation. My mouth fell open slightly, my eyes fluttering shut, and then Brody stopped.

  “Catrina.”

  I blinked my eyes open rapidly, my eyes darting between his as I tried to take him in.

  He smiled, and that was the moment I knew.

  “Can I kiss you?”

  I couldn’t decide if it was sweet or cheeky, but I didn’t get a chance to consider it because I was nodding and his mouth was coming down to meet mine.

  The first touch of our lips was tentative, hesitant almost, an exploration of the unknown and a leap into an abyss from which we wouldn’t return.

  And then Brody angled his head so that he could move his lips more firmly against mine, soft but insistent, and his hands moved from my neck, back down my arms, until he was gripping my waist and pulling me closer.

  I was standing in the middle of Brody Galen’s kitchen, kissing him like this was the only chance I would ever get, like my entire life and my entire being depended on having my mouth against his.

  I gasped slightly when he pulled me in, and then the kiss deepened, nearly making me weak at the knees with the unexpected rush that it caused inside me. I wrapped my arms around his neck just as his tongue was sliding softly against mine.

  Brody kissed me like I’d never been kissed before, a gentle exploration of the first time with the hint of quiet desperation like it was the last. His tongue was soft and his hands on my waist were sliding to wrap around me more fully and pull me closer so my body was pressed completely against his. I tilted my head up and toward his, wanting more, more of the warmth blooming from my heart out like rays of sun to the rest of my body.

  I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to stand right here forever, in the center of this huge, beautiful kitchen, my arms around Brody’s neck as he held me close, kissing me in a way I didn’t even know that people kissed, his tongue in a dance with mine. Wanting and taking what he wanted while giving me what he somehow knew I craved.

  I didn’t know how long we stood there, wrapped up in each other, but when he pulled back, I was panting and my lips felt swollen.

  When I felt the light brush of his fingers as they moved their way up my back, just a touch, a tender reassurance, I shivered and looked up to meet his eyes. Our eyes locked and he held my gaze as he slid his hands forward to my stomach and along my ribs so that his thumbs caressed underneath the swells of my breasts. When I felt a tightening of my nipples, I sucked in a sharp breath, never taking my eyes off Brody, and watching as the heat flared in his eyes.

  He moved his hands up to cup my breasts—his large hands a perfect fit—and he gazed at me, hesitant, his eyes changing a bit and the quest of his hands halting for just a minute, and I, knowing what he was waiting for, pressed my chest up into his hands so he would know I wanted more. As soon as I did, Brody dove back toward me, pressing his mouth to my neck.

  I tilted my head to the side, giving access and further encouragement, as my breathing grew heavier with the desire that was coursing through my veins.

  Brody bit gently at the tender skin just below my ear just as his thumb brushed across my nipple over my clothes. I pressed my thighs together and bit my lip in an attempt to hold back the sound that had clawed its way through my throat and wanted to be released.

  He continued to massage my breasts and brush his thumbs over me in a way that was causing an insistent ache between my legs while he kissed and licked and bit at my neck, until finally I pulled back, putting my hands on his chest and pushing him away.

  My skin was flushed all over and his hair was wild from the way I had thrust my hands into it to pull him closer. Both of us were out of breath as we stood inches apart, feeling each other’s heat, but not touching.

  A hint of trepidation crossed Brody’s features.

  “Catrina,” he said, breathless. “I’m sorry—got carried away. I didn’t mean—”

  And before he could say another word, before I could go over again all of the reasons why we shouldn’t do this, the reasons why I had been about to walk out that door as soon as I’d gotten here tonight, I took a step back, reached down to the hem of my black cotton dress and pulled it over my head, dropping it onto the tile floor as I met his eyes.

  I stood there, in my black lace bra and panties, which were the sexiest I could find for such an occasion, before I had decided I couldn’t do it. I hung my arms at my sides while my stomach twisted in knots. My heart was hammering in my chest as I looked into Brody’s eyes and waited for him to decide what to do next.

  Brody took a step toward me, closing the gap between us, looking down at me for a few moments before he stooped down and wrapped his arms around me just below my ass and lifted me off the ground and up against him. I immediately wrapped my legs around his hips and my arms around his neck, smiling and giggling a little as I planted my mouth on his again, kissing him more urgently, more needy this time, while I clung to him and he walked through his apartment. I was biting along his jaw when we got into another room. He flipped a light on, and I gasped when I felt my back hit something soft but solid. I was on my back underneath him, still
wrapped around him as his hands slid into my hair and he took absolute control of our kiss.

  His hands tightened, pulling my head back slightly so he could move his mouth down to my neck, and as he began to trail kisses down the length of it, he shifted his hips against mine. This time I couldn’t stop the whimper that rose up and tore its way out of my throat when I felt the hard length of him between my legs. And apparently he liked that sound because right after it came out, I heard the sound of a low rumble and Brody’s mouth was on mine again.

  I started to squirm as he kissed me, clinging to him, wanting so much but not knowing exactly what it was that I wanted. I just wanted more, now, and when I felt his hands behind me on the clasp of my bra, I held my breath until I felt it come undone.

  Brody pulled back and pulled the bra off of me, tossing it over his shoulder as he came up on his knees and my legs fell away from his waist and down on the bed on either side of him. I stared up at him, eyes slightly wide. I let out the breath I’d been holding when his hands came down and smoothed up and down my stomach.

  “So soft,” he murmured, more to himself, his eyes on my body.

  His hands slid up and cupped my breasts again, which were bare this time that he touched them. When his thumbs brushed my nipples, they tightened to hard points and I gasped and arched up into his touch, not knowing what to do about the pleasure except to just feel every bit of it.

  Then Brody’s hands slid back down until they were hooked into the elastic of my panties, and he looked up into my eyes before he went any further. In response, I lifted my hips, telling him to keep going without words.